What a wonderful world!

I want to finish up my postings on the Love Languages of Children. I briefly touched on the final love language, acts of service, in my original post. Therefore, I will only offer a few extra points here. "In serving your children, the main motive-doing what's best- means you are trying to fill their love tanks." The cool thing about this language is that, as we are showing our children love, they are learning how to serve others through our example. This is becoming a lost art in our "ME" oriented society. "Thus acts of service has an intermediate step. We serve our children, but as they are ready, we teach them how to serve themselves and then others." Even though children will gain the most from their primary love language, they actually gain from experiencing all of the love languages. In light of that, it's important to show them a good example of appropriate physical affection, loving words, quality time, thoughtful gift giving, and kind acts of service. They will learn by our example. What a wonderful world that could be!

Pg. 84 & 85 "The Five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman amd Ross Campbell

GIFTS!!!!

Hopefully, you have been following along with our conversation about the Love Languages of Children. I wanted to move on today to language #4, gifts. No before you max out your credit card, let me define gift. By gift, I am referring to a meaningful expression of love that is freely given. "When a parent offers a gift if the child will clean his room, this is not a true gift but a payment for services rendered. At times parents who have every intention of offering a true gift may be sending confused messages if they ignore the child's deep emotional need for love." It's not about what you give or how much it cost. It's about the thought behind it. Be creative. For example, I have a daughter that is very interested in birds. If I stumble on a pretty feather when out for a walk, I pick it up and bring it home for her. Some of these items are her most treasured things, and they cost me nothing but my time and thoughtfulness. What are some of your most treasured gifts?

pg. 73 "The Five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

Making memories with you

Sorry I haven't written in a while. Things have really been busy here the last week. Let's get back to our discussion on "love languages". Language #3 is quality time. All children need quality time with their parents, but for a child whose love language is quality time, it is even more important. As a working parent, I understand the struggle to balance family and work. So many working and even non-working parents get caught up in a guilt trip over time spent with their children. Is it enough time? Am I meeting their needs? Well rather than get all in a dither, here are a few observations I have learned from the love languages book and my own experiences.

• There is no magic number with how much time you should spend with your children. Use your knowledge of your child to assess how much time you think they need, and do your best to meet that goal.



• Make sure the time you spend with your child is on their developmental level and in an area of interest to them.



• Try to spend time with each of your children individually.



• Make good eye contact and give your child your full attention when playing. This not only shows them that they are important to you, but teaches them how to treat others as well.



• Sometimes children go through phases of needing more time than usual from a parent. This isn't a reflection of a job poorly done, so don't feel guilty. Accept that it is just a phase and adapt your time as necesarry.



• If you're busy with a task and your child is needing your attention, stop and give them 15 minutes of uninterrupted time. This shows them that they are important to you, and you will be able to then complete the task with a guilt free mind afterwards.

Words of love

On to love language #2-words of affirmation. There are several ways to communicate love verbally to your child. The most common is words of praise or affection, but there are other ways to speak love. Words of encouragement are a great way to instill courage in your child. "To a young child almost every experience is new. Learning to walk, to talk, or to ride a bicycle requires constant courage. By our words, we either encourage or discourage the child's efforts." What about loving words of guidance? It's so easy to approach our words of guidance from a negative standpoint. Don't touch that! Don't throw your food! We will have to deal with negative aspects of life when raising a child, such as talking about drugs, but even these topics can be approached in a loving manner. "Parents who offer words of loving guidance will be looking closely at the interests and abilities of their children and giving positve verbal reinforcement of those interests. From academic pursuits to to simple rules of etiquette to the complex art of personal relationships, parents need to be expressing emotional love in the postive verbal guidance they give their children."

pg. 48, 52 "The Five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell

Hugs and Kisses!

So, if your keeping up here, I recently posted some introductory thoughts about the book The Five Love Languages of Children. Today, I want to talk about love language #1, physical touch. For most parents, this language comes fairly easily when your children are young. It seems so instinctive to kiss and rock your baby. Playful wrestling or cuddling while reading to your toddler or preschooler is so natural. But as children get older, it can become an uncomfortable subject. Unfortunately, the times that we live in cause many people to worry that their touching might be misconstrued as inappropriately motivated. However, our children's need for physical touch does not diminsh with age. In fact, children who receive appropriate touch from their parents are less likely to be involved in sexual promiscuity as teenagers and are more confident than children who are not. It may be a simple pat on the back or a big KISS, but for children whose primary love language is physical touch, a kiss is worth a thousand words.

I Love You!

I've been reading a book called The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, MD. I love my children dearly, but what I have taken away from this book is that my children and I do not always speak the same "language" when it comes to expressing our feelings. I'll give you an example of what I mean. I asked my daughter the other night how she knew that I loved her. He response was that I take care of her and do a lot of things for her. Her love language is acts of service. I didn't necesarrily do those things for her, to say, "I love you." I did them, because I am her mom, and that's what mom's do. But now I realize that for her, it speaks more love when I fold her clothes and put them away for her, than if I tell her how beautiful she is today or give her a kiss. Think about your own life. What has someone close to you done that has made you feel loved or unloved, for that matter? It is likely a clue to your own love language. We tend to speak our own love language to those around us and wonder why they don't understand. It would be like living in France and speaking English only. They might get some of what I said, but not the full value. I am going to be posting more about this subject in the weeks to come, and I look forward to your insights as well.